Nobody’s Coming to Save You Financially (Ep. 339)

My 20-year-old said, Mom, I'm going to quit my job and I'm going to make sourdough bread
and I'm going to start this sourdough bread business.
And I said, OK, that's fine.
But rent is due in the first of every month because we bought a townhouse for her to rent.
And she's like, OK, I didn't think it wouldn't be.
I said, all right, I don't care how you make your money.
It doesn't matter to me.
But your rent is due at the beginning of the month.
And, you know, she doesn't ask for things either because she knows better.
But I was just making it very clear.
I work 50 hours a week, if not more.
And that doesn't mean that you get things.
Do we help all of our kids?
Absolutely, we do.
If they need something, happy to help.
It's what parents do.
But I'm not going to provide a place for you to live when I have to pay for the utilities
and the property taxes and the upkeep on said place.
You're ultimately paying for that.
So you may as well have just had your own mortgage.
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the podcast.
Thank you very much for being here.
All right, today, let's talk about personal responsibility.
Do I have a story for you today?
I mean, this has been ongoing for months.
And everything that like, I don't know why it's just being slammed in my face for the last
few months.
But, you know, I can get ornery.
I'm a little ornery over this today.
We tried to sell our condo.
We had a rental condo and we were selling it.
The first person that looked at it.
Okay, let me backstory.
Backstory.
I remodeled the whole thing.
Everything except trim, baseboards and doors.
Okay.
Windows are new.
Flooring's new.
Kitchen cabinets are new.
Sinks are new.
Vanities are new.
Oh, I didn't put new showers in.
Everything else is new.
New mirrors above the vanities.
Like, because I was going to turn it into an Airbnb.
And then I decided, nope, I don't want two Airbnbs.
Let's just sell it because I do not like long-term rentals.
They do not make enough money for me.
Not my thing.
So we put it on the market.
Immediately, it sells.
Instantly.
Great offer.
All is good in the world.
Inspection comes.
And they're like, oh, there's mold in the attic.
I'm like, nope, there was mold in the attic when we bought it.
They remediated it.
All is good.
Provide the receipts that it's been remediated.
Nope.
Not good enough for that person.
So they backed out.
And I thought, well, okay, I'm just going to make sure, right, that everything's good
because I wouldn't want to sell a house to somebody if it has mold in it.
Nor would I want to put anybody in it if it has mold in it.
So had the environmental company come in, do an environmental test.
Nope.
No mold spores.
All is good.
They tell me, don't worry about it.
It's in the attic.
Whatever.
So said person wants to come back, buy it again.
Her realtor, who's unbelievably corrupt and should be turned into the board of realtors,
which I've not determined if I'm going to do this yet or not.
I may.
She gets the environmental guy out there, tells him to do a swab of the mold,
and thinks I'm going to pay for it because she thought I should have done it.
I mean, it is my house.
I get to decide, I guess.
But apparently she gets to decide.
I don't know.
So she refuses to pay the environmental guy to do the swab.
So I end up paying the environmental guy to do the swab,
had somebody come in, do mold remediation again,
and put it back on the market.
Because that lady decided she didn't want it,
nor did at that point did I even want to sell it to her.
So I don't frankly care.
However, me do that for you.
Okay.
This whole thing is just about self-responsibility.
So no, you're the homeowner.
You do this for me.
Put a new damn roof on is basically the moral of the story.
Second buyer comes in and says,
all is good.
We're good with the mold remediation.
Fantastic.
Everything's all good.
Oh, can you pay 3% of my closing costs?
What is that?
Okay.
Let's just get sidetracked there for a minute.
What in the ever living, you know what?
Why is the buyer paying 3% of your realtor fees
and paying 3% of your closing costs?
Holy moly.
If you're selling a house right now,
all I have to say is make sure you're jacking the price of that thing up so far
that you can take a 6% hit and then 3% for your realtor.
A 9% hit because somebody needs you to pay 3% of their closing costs
because they don't have any money saved.
I digress for a moment.
So they come in and it's a condo.
So we have condo association, right?
The condo association has been intact since like the 80s
and everybody that started, it's dead.
So we have this association that we just ignore.
Nobody pays association fees.
They don't.
We take care of each side of the condo.
It looks like a twin home.
We take care of each side of the condo as if it's our own.
We get along with one another.
All is lovely in the world.
And so these people were trying to get a loan.
And the bank said,
no, there's not a master insurance plan.
There's not this, this, and this.
All these condo association things,
which that's on me.
I did not read that because I'm like, well, it was good.
Like, we'll just insure it.
My insurance lady didn't ask any questions about it.
Like, life's fantastic.
And so I said, oh yeah, that's not good.
So I will amend the condo association paperwork.
Absolutely no problem.
$2,700 later, we get that all amended.
They come back after the date of closing
because it was supposed to close.
So they come back after closing
because their lender was taking forever on this decision.
And then they were taking forever on the decision
that we had to extend closing.
So they come back after the original date of closing
and say, well, we want all new condo association paperwork.
And we want it written how we would like it written.
What?
Like, what in the, you know what?
What?
You want me to go to the other condo owner,
because there's only two of us.
So this is, that's not the problem.
You want me to go to her and say,
hey, can we amend and rewrite the entire condo association paperwork?
27 pages.
We have to pay for the attorney
or I have to pay for the attorney to do that.
And then we have to have them review it
before they will buy this condo
to make sure it's what they want.
When you buy the condo,
you can go to the neighbor
and you can pay for the attorney to do whatever.
Because remember,
I'm paying an extra 3% of your closing costs.
And now you want me to fork out more money for you?
How about I just give you the damn condo for free?
How about that?
Oh, but you would still have complaints even about that.
So we file the amendment for the condo,
put it back on the market.
Because those people are like,
I said, nope, I'm not doing that.
Absolutely not.
They can do that if they want.
So nope, they didn't get what they wanted.
They backed out.
Back on the market we go.
By this time, Mary Jo is saying,
let's just furnish the thing
and turn it into an Airbnb.
Because that's actually less hassle.
Dealing with people renting in an Airbnb
is actually less hassle than buyers,
believe it or not.
We've had our Airbnb for two years now.
And it has like,
we've only had two bad groups in there
and they leave it messy.
They don't even wreck anything.
They just leave it messy.
And so that's not the end of the world, right?
I just give my cleaning lady a little extra money.
It's sort of her problem.
And she's wonderful.
So all is good.
Put it back on the market.
New buyers come in.
And of course, like I got new buyers right away
because it's all remodeled.
So new buyers come in.
Oh, y'all.
So they write me a letter that says,
we would love to have this condo.
My husband is a sheriff and I am a stay-at-home mom.
I used to be a teacher.
We have a six-month-old.
So now I'm a stay-at-home mom,
do some tutoring on the side.
Fantastic.
Offer comes in.
$15,000 under asking plus 3% of their closing costs.
And I'm like, no, absolutely not.
So I counter, they counter, I counter, they accept.
All is good.
Have another purchase agreement.
A week and a half after the purchase agreement,
it comes back that I believe it was
they couldn't qualify for the loan at the purchase price.
So can you lower the price of the home
because their realtor is going to take less commission.
So can you lower the price of the home
so I still get the same amount,
but the realtors get less
and then they can afford to buy it.
Now, this isn't affecting me
because I'm still getting the same amount of money, right?
Lower price of the home means,
and I agreed to pay 3% of their closing costs as well.
We agreed.
Scott just says, Mary Jo, just get rid of it, right?
Like he probably would have given it away.
So we pay 3% of their closing costs
and they were somewhat easier to deal with.
But then it comes to their inspection.
All is good.
Right before they close, they're like,
oh, hey, can you, you know,
can you caulk around the tub?
Because some caulking was missing.
The shower head is dripping.
The hose for the dishwasher
was not lifted up
so that water couldn't go back into the dishwasher.
So can you lift that hose up?
Can you put a string on that hose essentially?
I mean, it's called some kind of loop BS.
We used a zip deck.
I was like, no.
Can you fix the threshold to the front door?
It's cracked.
No.
My answer was absolutely freaking not.
These are minor things.
Oh, there were some electrical things
that needed to be done.
And happy they needed GFIs in the kitchen.
Already had GFIs in the kitchen.
But, you know, the code says every outlet in the kitchen needs a GFI
if it is on food grade surface.
Because, you know, I'm sure people are dying every damn day
sticking knives into outlets.
So Scott goes in, changes all that,
does all this stuff because Scott agreed,
I will do everything but the door threshold.
Because you would have needed a new door.
Or it would have taken like ungodly long.
And it is December in North Dakota.
So no, fix it yourself.
And I was livid.
I'm livid.
Because A, you decide,
and this is the self-care that people need to take,
self-responsibility,
that if you need me to cock around a tub,
that means that you probably shouldn't buy this place
because you can't afford it.
I mean, let's think about that for a minute.
We had to lower the price.
One of them has a job.
The other one does not have a job.
Tutors part of the time.
Worst thing they could have ever done
was write a letter to me that said,
I don't want to work as hard as you.
So could you please lower your price
and give us an opportunity?
Because we want, I want to be a stay-at-home mom.
Now, I could lose a lot of followers over this.
And you know what?
It is what it is.
That is great that you want to be a stay-at-home mom.
I can appreciate that 100%.
My daughter-in-law stays home.
Wonderful mother.
But you know what they don't do?
They don't ask us for shit
because they want to stay home.
They go and figure out how they're going to do it
or do without it
because she chose to be a part-time stay-at-home mom.
She still works every weekend.
She works a couple of days during the week.
She's trying to make money
doing all sorts of different things.
You are 20...
These people are like 23, 24 years old.
You want your first home.
You want to get out of the apartment.
I can understand that.
But you know what everybody else does?
Is we work so that we can make money
so that we can have those nice things.
So the longer that this thing went on,
the more irritated I have gotten
over the last few months, right?
Let me have a mold test done
and you're going to pay for it.
You do the condo documents
and you pay for that on top of my 3%.
Because even in that scenario,
the dad was co-signing for the loan.
The kids couldn't afford the loan on their own.
So dad is co-signing for the loan.
Nobody has a down payment
because we can't be patient enough
or work hard enough to have a down payment.
And yes, I'm going to say that
and I'm not going to feel sorry
for somebody in their 20s
that doesn't have enough money as a down payment.
Because I see plenty of people in their 20s
that started working at 17, 18 years old,
stocking money away
and being smart with their money
so that they could have some money for a down payment.
What is going to happen?
What's going to happen
when something happens to this condo?
If something happens to this condo,
they're going to have to stick their own money into it
and they don't have it
because they have their budget so tight
that they have to have their realtor take less commission,
that's insane to me.
The fact that you can ask for those things is insane.
The fact that realtors are telling their clients
to ask for those things
because the person that wanted us,
the buyer that wanted us
to redo the condo association fees,
the realtor was pushing,
we believe, we don't know for certain,
we believe that the realtor
was pushing the client to ask for that
or tell the client that that should be done on our side.
Well, guess what?
It's a condo.
You knew it was a condo when you purchased it.
There's no condo association fees,
but you knew it's a condo.
You have to have the other person
in agreement with you
if you're going to do something.
What in the ever living heck are people thinking
that we should just be taken care of?
And as I was talking to people last week,
just about health insurance
and the craziness that is going on
in the health insurance world,
I am seeing online,
people's premiums went from like $350 a month
to $13 or $1,500 a month.
They are doubling to tripling
their health insurance premiums,
massively high deductions.
Talked to a lady last week
that husband owns a business with 50 plus employees.
Their health insurance doubled.
Well, she said to me,
she made a comment to me
about wanting the government
to pay for health insurance.
Oh my God, what's it called?
Escaped me at the moment.
And you want the government
to pay for your health insurance.
I said, I don't want the government
to pay for my health insurance.
The government can't even take care
of what they're supposed to take care of.
And the problem is,
is we have given the government
the ability to do that
and take care of Medicaid
and to take care of those people
that are not doing well.
It's not working.
It's not working.
And so what happened
to self-responsibility?
What happened to us
taking care of ourself?
Nelson talks about it
in Warehouse of Wealth.
If you've been listening
to the podcast,
Nelson actually addressed
the health insurance thing
a couple of chapters ago.
He said,
when we came back from the war,
we couldn't give pay raises.
So how are we going to do this?
How are we going to take care of people?
Oh, we will give them 401ks
and we'll give them health insurance
and we'll give them vacation
and we'll give them all this stuff.
All these fringe benefits.
So now the responsibility
went from the person
to the employer.
So now it's the employer's responsibility
to make sure
that you have health insurance.
Why isn't it your responsibility?
Why are you escrowing
your house payment?
You are now giving
that responsibility
to pay your property taxes
and to pay your homeowner's insurance
over to your bank.
And you know that's not free, right?
Like that all comes at a cost.
I will not escrow any of my stuff.
None of my loans
have an escrow on them.
I refuse to do it
because they take more money
than they need for the insurance.
And I then stop paying attention
to what property taxes are doing.
I stop paying attention
to what your county commissioners are doing.
You stop paying attention
to how much your property insurance is.
So now all of a sudden
you don't even really realize
that your property insurance went up.
You just know that your monthly
house payment went up
because of escrow.
So I used to escrow it.
100% I did.
Until they wanted to change
my monthly mortgage payment
by $100 more a month.
And I was like, what?
So I called my insurance company
and they're like,
no, your premium did not go up.
So then I called the bank
because I only get mortgages
through banks that service the loan.
And so I called the bank
and I said, well, what's happening?
Why is this going up?
And they're like, oh,
we just like to have a little bit extra
in the coffers
in case it would go up.
In case?
That's $1,200 a year.
No, thank you.
I will pay that out of pocket.
I'm not giving you another $1,200 a year.
So think about all of these things.
Health insurance.
Why can they be gouging us
at this time?
Why can they gouge us?
Because we're not paying attention.
The employer pays for half of it.
We pay for half.
Maybe the employer pays for all of it.
Whatever.
We're not paying attention.
You do understand
that's coming out of your paycheck.
It is all coming down to you.
Why do we think
that somebody else
should be taking care of us?
Why?
Why should the bank
be taking care of us?
If we have a bank loan,
if we're,
we have an operation
and we don't know
what our numbers are,
but we want the banker
to lend us money.
Well, essentially we're saying,
hey, can you just take care of me?
You got me?
No, I don't got ya.
Absolutely not.
Take care of yourself.
We have gotten to a point
and I feel like it's worse now
than it's ever been.
We've gotten to a point
that we truly feel
like it's somebody else's responsibility
to take care of us.
Somebody else that works their butt off
24-7 runs a business
that is profitable,
does all the right things
and we're supposed to take care
of somebody else
because somebody else
wants to be lazy
and not pay attention
to how they can also
be in that same position.
Instead, what are we doing?
If you want to be lazy,
if you want to not have stuff
and you don't want to have a home
and you want to be gaming all day
or you want to just not work full time,
that's fine with me.
I don't care.
I'm not over here
expecting you
to live your life like me.
But I am not going to
give you something
because I have it
from working really hard.
If you want to do without,
that is 100% okay.
But do not expect somebody
to be like,
oh, I want to be a stay-at-home mom,
so can we pay less for that?
No, because guess what?
I had to work really, really hard
in order to have the money
to put the new cabinets
in said place that you're buying.
I had to work really, really hard
to pay the people
to put said cabinets
in place that you're buying.
Have we forgotten
how things work?
Are we so brainwashed
by the school system
to not understand that
that our parents,
that Gen X
and the late boomers
have not told our children
how the world actually works?
Really?
My 20-year-old said,
mom, I'm going to quit my job
and I'm going to make sourdough bread
and I'm going to start
this sourdough bread business.
And I said, okay, that's fine.
But rent is due
in the first of every month
because we bought a townhouse
for her to rent.
And she's like,
okay, I didn't think it wouldn't be.
I said, all right,
I don't care how you make your money.
Doesn't matter to me.
But your rent is due
at the beginning of the month.
I said, I work.
And you know,
she doesn't ask for things either
because she knows better.
But I was just making it very clear
that I work 50 hours a week.
And if not more,
that doesn't mean that you get things
because you are 100% capable
of also working 50 hours a week
and making some money.
If you choose not to do that,
I don't care.
Does not matter to me.
But then don't be asking me for stuff.
Do we help all of our kids?
Absolutely, we do.
If they need something,
happy to help.
It's what parents do.
But I'm not going to provide
a place for you to live
when I have to pay
for the utilities
and the property taxes
and the upkeep on said place.
You're ultimately paying for that.
So you may as well
have just had your own mortgage.
This whole condo thing
just got me thinking about
the health insurance
when I was visiting
with this person last week
that we have handed over
and Nelson talked about it.
And for whatever reason,
like it registered,
but it didn't register
to the extent
that it did last week for me.
It was sort of my aha moment
of my God,
how many things
are we handing over
to other people
to take care of?
And we think that
it should be that way.
I think we're going to see
a massive change
in the health insurance industry
just because of the fact
that people are saying no.
Like I went down
a rabbit hole
on TikTok
looking at
what people are doing
for health insurance
that are self-insured
because my husband works still.
So we get insurance
through his work.
He's looking at quitting his job
and just doing stuff
on the farm
that needs to be done here
because we're always short.
We don't have time
to do it all.
And he's in a position
where he could quit.
So he's looking at
quitting and I'm thinking,
well, health insurance
is going to be expensive.
I truly have never
paid attention
because I've never had to.
I become one of those people.
And now I'm down
this rabbit hole.
And the amount of things
that are available
is crazy.
I was also told recently
by a family member
that they should not
have to pay
for the nursing home
because that's what
they've paid
into Medicaid for.
That's what they've paid
into Medicaid for
their entire life.
Okay, great.
I get it.
However,
however,
why are you trusting
the government
to take care of you?
Why did you not just say,
you know what,
if it happens,
great,
I'll have this extra.
But why did you not
buy long-term care
and take care of yourself?
I'm super excited
about this long-term care
conversation
that I'm having
with my friend Michelle
in a couple of months.
She's flying into Bismarck
and we're going to do
a whole podcast
on long-term care.
I sell long-term care.
I don't sell
a lot of it,
but I do sell
long-term care.
I have long-term care
because I'm not going
to let the government
take care of me.
But we have gotten
to the point
where boomers
were told
the government's
going to take care
of them.
We should be seeing
that that's not happening
and we should be doing
some self-reflection
and self-preservation
and taking care
of ourselves.
And we're not doing
that either.
Now we're just complaining
and thinking
that everybody else
should take care of us.
Oh my gosh,
I am on a 30-minute rant here.
But that's my story.
And it's been building,
you guys.
It's been building
for months.
And I have not shared it
because I wanted it
to be done.
I wanted a check
in my hand
for this stupid condo
before I had
any kind of,
before I recorded
any kind of podcast
about it.
Because it was like
the never-ending saga
of just give to me,
give to me,
give to me.
Like, what?
Why am I paying
for 3%
of your closing costs?
Tris and I
are going to do
a podcast
just on loans
because I'm out of time.
You guys are sick
of listening to me
about this.
But what I'm seeing
with young people
and loans,
it's blowing my mind
because I can't believe
it's happening.
So be on the lookout
for that one.
All right.
This had nothing to do
with infinite banking.
I mean,
I didn't talk about
infinite banking.
It has everything
to do with infinite banking
in the aspect of
be your own banker.
Self-responsibility.
Take responsibility
of that yourself
and quit handing it off
to somebody else.
It's that simple.
Go get the book,
Farming Without the Bank Duck
and email me
if you have,
I'm sure I'll get
lots of thoughts
and comments
on this one.
Maryjoe
at withoutthebank.com.
You can email me there
if you have comments,
questions,
concerns.
Sometimes you guys
email me
and there's nothing
for me to respond to
because it's just a comment.
So if I don't respond to you,
it's just a comment.
Or if you are
being belligerent
because some of you are,
I laugh and delete.
I'm not giving you
my energy.
So anyway,
you guys have
a fantastic
rest of your day.
Thanks for listening
to the Farming
Without the Bank podcast.
We hope today's episode
has inspired you
to take control
of your finances
in new ways.
Don't forget
to check out
our website,
farmingwithoutthebank.com
and engage with us
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Farming Without the Bank.
Join us next week
as we smash
more financial myths
and empower you
to accomplish
your financial goals.
you.